The As & Es of Agnes

The As & Es of Agnes 
Special Occasion Speeches – Advanced Project No 3: The Roast (24Sep2015)

TME to introduce the occasion:  Do you know Agnes’ birthday has just passed?  13/9 – yes it’s the same day as Lawrence.   This evening, Li Lan is going to present a speech at Agnes’ belated birthday celebration.

7 years ago, Agnes told me she wanted to find a boyfriend. So, I brought her to Matching Dating Club (MDC).  She was extremely delighted and participated actively. After 7 years, she did not find one boyfriend // but several like Kevin, Derek, David.

I’ve known Agnes for a decade, so I’m most eligible to reveal her secrets. Do you want to know?  The secrets lie in the As and Es.

A:   A for Agnes?  A is also for Ace, No. 1.   Agnes could not be the No. 1 in her family (you see, she is the 2^nd child), so she is determined to be No. 1 in this MDC family.  She takes part in every speech contest and everyone will says ‘you? win again?’ Yes!  She has two cupboard full of trophies!  

A:   Agnes is always available.  Do you notice she is always online?  Last night, I watsapped her “Free to talk now?”  She replied instantly “5 minutes later. Showering now!”   Agnes, how do you water proof your phone?    People sleep with boyfriend, Agnes sleeps with // her phone.    

A:    Agnes is an ace in speech contest and also in beauty contest!  Look at her, she is so beautiful.  So naturally, some people like Derek are jealous and ask her – are you sure this face is authentic?   I know you just came back from Korea!   Will it drop if you laugh too much?

E:    The other issue we often question Agnes / is her // ethnicity – Agnes, are you sure you are not Filipino?  Or Thai?   Have anyone ever checked her birth certificate?  I think I’ve the answer, she is a Vietnamese!  Just search on google, “Lo” her family name - it’s a river in Vietnam.  

E:    Last but not least, E stands for // Energy!     Agnes is like an energizer battery – it keeps going, and going and going.  Ever wonder where she gets all the energy – I think she got an electric chair at home!  But David thinks her frig is full of red bulls.  So Kevin sneaks to her kitchen but finds a frig full of emptiness.    Agnes has physical energy as well as vocal energy!   Her laughter & voice are like thunders.. so loud that you can hear her from Causeway Bay to Quarry Bay. 

Agnes, Agnes, you are our angel and the apple of our eyes!   Always available for us, always authentic in your love.   Your energy energizes us but we aren’t energizer battery – you keep going, and going and going but sometimes, don’t know we are already gone!  Agnes, it doesn’t matter if you’re Thai, Vietnamese or Filipino, we still love you so!